I don’t know, I feel like I’m losing all control. Some days are great but it seems like they’re fewer and farther apart these days. Maybe it’s the holidays. They always seem to get pretty crazy. I think today I had just had enough. I had to walk out of the house and down the street to the park to cool off. I’m just tired of doing every… little… thing… for my children who are perfectly capable of doing it themselves. I was perfectly happy knowing I needed to do those things for them when they weren’t able to do it themselves. I loved it in fact. But as the kids have grown I’ve required more self-reliance from them. I don’t make them do outrageously difficult things but I do require some help around the house. But their work seems to have gotten worse over the last few weeks. For example, I’ll clean up their rooms after they go to bed only to have them wake up and DESTROY it before they even get ready in the morning. Then I have two hours before they get home to clean it back up and do all the other things I need to do to make it seem like I had a successful day only to have them come home and create havoc again.
So, now with all this frustration being written out while I’m sitting here at the park it doesn’t seem as dire and horrific as I was feeling it was just half an hour ago. Thinking about everything that has been frustrating me and with taking the time to write it out I can’t help but cool down. Maybe the fact that it’s 50° outside and I’m sitting on a cold bench has something to do with that 🙂 . It could also have something to do with the beautiful, clear night and the fact that I can see the stars. Living in the city (even when you’re 10 miles outside) doesn’t allow for the chance to see the stars. The sheer magnitude of it, even this close to the city, is breathtaking! You can’t help but feel so small and insignificant but somehow, in a very weird way, feel so important and fundamental. There has to be something that I need to learn from having these frustrating moments with my children. I might not realize it yet but in time I will.If there’s anything I’ve learned over the years of doing things and redoing things is that there’s always a reason. It’s just whether or not you’re willing to open your eyes to see it. So that’s what I’ll have to keep reminding myself until this “phase” is over and keep reminding me that the children are learning too and as long as we keep reading our scriptures and saying our prayers as a family we’ll pull through.
I think I just found my “time-out” spot!!! This was awesome!